Apparently it’s yearly review time here at work and upon looking at my bank statement this morning, something was peculiarly different. Moments later, my (good, non-emoticon) boss called me up and informed me that my performance over the last year earned me a raise (this is normal, I think pretty much everyone gets one).
It’s almost as if they could hear my soul dying from inside my cubicle and decided to do something about it.
But how much is this raise? Is it enough to raise me out of my enraged and depressed funk in which I’m pretty sure I am wasting my youth, energy, and, ultimately, my life? Is it enough for me to rethink this office job stuff?
No. It’s a $24 bump per paycheck. $12 a week. Not even enough to push me into the coveted four-figure paycheck. In other words, it is the most demoralizing raise ever. It is two movie tickets (no popcorn, no sodas). It is FIVE PERCENT of my monthly student loan bill. Most importantly, it does not compensate for the extra work, effort, time, and energy I’ve had to put into my job.
And did I mention that we’re only allowed one raise per year? And that my job has no upward mobility? This is the last bump I’ll see for a while.
The good news is, though, that it serves as a kind of wake up call for me. Even if I am rewarded for my hard work at the office, the reward only further reflects everything else about my job. Four percent of a pile of shit shit is a marginally bigger pile of shit. If I’m going to be poor anyway, shouldn’t I be poor and happy?
I mean, I don’t want to sound ungrateful. Twelve extra dollars a week is $12 I didn’t have before. But at the same time, it makes me feel like Sisyphus, if Sisyphus was given a spreadsheet to fill out and each time he finished it he was handed a blank spreadsheet.
I think a big change might be coming – I’m just not quite sure how to act yet. Either way, I’m planning on taking a week off from work to simply calm down and evaluate things. Who knows, I might even write a less self-centered and money-focused whiny blog entry. We can only hope for the best.
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January 16, 2008 at 1:05 pm
Kemo
For now, your job is to chop wood and carry water. So chop wood and carry water the best you know how. Chop wood, carry water not for others, but for your daily bowl of rice and your mat for sleeping. Know that as you chop wood and carry water, your mind is free, focus on clearing and purifying your mind for the next part of the journey.
If you were prepared to suffer at the beginning of your journey, why are you now surprised that you encounter difficulties along the way? You know it is only temporary. You only harm yourself if you hate the water and hate the wood or hate those who drink the water and burn the wood.
Find the pleasure in the daily task. Prepare your mind for the next phase of your journey. Accept the suffering, as it is the yin and inseparable from the yang, the joy.
January 16, 2008 at 3:46 pm
slurredpress
You absolutely killed me with the part about Sisyphus.
My ghost came back to post this comment for me.
January 16, 2008 at 4:42 pm
Reality Writes
UUHHH…Most Demoralizing Raise Ever came when I was a full-time reporter and we were told that our yearly raise could not exceed 1 % of our paycheck…and that was if you got a 100% A +++ on your evaluation…which I did, so that meant that I got a 1.111 cent raise. Yep, that’s right – my raise was an extra penny per hour. Do the math and you’ll realize how little I was paid to begin with…even with two previous raises included!
January 16, 2008 at 5:08 pm
Your Brother
Hey! Thats 3 extra beers a week!
…Oh, wait, you’re in NYC. Thats 2 extra beers a week! Or 3 shitty beers!
Seriously, its not that bad. When I was at the ER, my raises were between 2-3%. Even 3% of $11 an hour is pretty sad. And you remember how hard I worked there.
In fact, you should be happy you work with spreadsheets and not puke, blood, and poop.
January 16, 2008 at 5:54 pm
Big Change « Water Ouzel
[...] change, dollar, equality, integrity, Michael T Weiss, money, revenue, soccer I was reminded by another blog that money is something we think about alot today. Specifically how much money. I would like to [...]
January 16, 2008 at 7:45 pm
lacrimosa
I feel your pain. In addition to suffering similar recent abuses, I discovered yesterday that due to breaking union negotiations, the minimum salary for assistants had been raised. Unfortunately, since my position is minorly administrative, I am not a part of the union, and received no raise. Allegedly this is being remedied, but even if it is, I’m not sure it will ease my pain.
Pathetically a Wilson Phillips song is playing on my internal speakers, “I know that there is pain, but hold on for one more day ‘cuz things are gonna go your way”(see rest of lyrics). I really don’t see how, but I think it’s my body’s way of trying to be happy, while failing miserably.