ripley 2The more I read about kitty diets on the internet, the more I’m coming to understand why pet obesity is such a problem. Simply put, fat animals are cute. They’re all puffy and soft and covered in fur. You just want to rub your face in them. I mean, if I had a child that was overweight, it would be clear to me that I wasn’t doing him any favors by feeding him all day and rubbing his belly and throwing treats at him. But a cat? All I want to do is hug her and say, “Who’s a fat kitty? Who is it?”

What we don’t realize is that even though our cats and dogs and things look fat and happy, we’re actually making them uncomfortable and unhealthy. I don’t want my cat to get kitty diabetes or kitty heart failure (man, even kitty diseases sound cuter than human ones). I want my kitty to be fit and healthy.

And so we come to the third week of Ripley’s diet. I still haven’t replaced my scale (which Ripley cunningly sabotaged) so we’re not sure if she’s actually losing any weight or not except by eyeballing her. At this point, when Ripley jogs through the room, I’ll say to Ben, “Don’t you think she looks really streamlined today?” and Ben will say, “Yeah, she’s really cutting through the air better.” But I’m not sure if I’m just trying to placate Ripley and if Ben is trying to placate me. I’m sure it makes us all feel better, though.

The biggest problem we’ve dealt with this week is the Ripley Alarm. The Ripley Alarm goes off at exactly 7 AM each morning, which is about 20 minutes before our Tradition Alarm goes off. The Ripley Alarm consists of Rips jumping onto the bed, placing her two front paws on my chest, and meowing in my face like the world is going to end. You can only turn the alarm off with cat food. There is no snooze button.

After a few sleepy discussions on this topic, last night we decided that Ripley was associating us being in bed in the morning with her feeding time, since feeding her is the first thing I do when I get up in the morning. This morning, we agreed, we would not feed her until after I had left for work.

Well, the kitty alarm went off as usual this morning and I ignored it. The kitty alarm then followed me to the bathroom, still going off, and sat on the rim of the bathtub and on the sink meowing constantly. Then the kitty alarm and went off again in the kitchen as I fixed and ate my breakfast (the meows got desperately louder as I poured cat-food-sounding dry cereal into a bowl) and then as I sat in the living room checking my email. Unlike traditional alarms, the kitty alarm will attempt to trip you, stick it’s noise in your milk, block doorways, and generally make you feel like a bad person.

About ten minutes into our experiment, Ben yelled from his office, “Sounds like it’s working!”

When I left for work this morning, she was still going off.

Week 2 of Rips on a Diet

Week 1 of Rips on a Diet

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