ripley fatYou know those infomercials that come on early in the morning and late at night – the ones that swear that they have come up with the one exercise contraption that could change your life? How it’s always something either overly complicated (Bow Flex) or overly simple (a ball), but either way, the fitness actor using the contraption looks really happy and comfortable?

Well, I’ve discovered the new exercise fad for kitties. It’s easy, it’s safe, it’s genius in its simplicity. If you think about it the right way, it’s free. It’s not sold in pet stores!!!!

Before this week, the most exercise Ripley got was her mad dash across our entire railroad apartment each morning, from the bedroom where I get up to the kitchen where I pour out her food. We play with a kitty fishing pole with her periodically at night, but the kitty fishing pole requires human participation and I tire of it much more quickly than Rips. The kitty fishing pole also has a bell on it which I think drives us all crazy, cat included.

Enter the new toy: the thing that holds the cap onto gallons of milk. I think someone recommended it to me a while back, and from the moment it hit the floor, Ripley was running and jumping for hours, the kitty calories flying off of her (along with copious amounts of fur). It was better than any cockroach and way less gross.

I’m not sure what it is about this thing. It has a little tab on it that makes it bounce, and it’s spiral-shaped, which makes it fun to grab with your theoretical claws. It’s also brightly colored, depending on what fat percentage you’re into, although I’m not sure if cats care much about that. Most importantly to me, I don’t have to move at all while Ripley runs around with it, batting it through the rooms and throwing it into the air.

This is usually the part when I tell you that you can buy these milk tabs for three easy installments of $99.99 (made out to me), and that you should talk to your doctor about anything that you could sue me over. But no! If you drink milk, they’re yours (and your cats’) for the taking!

Ripley: Cat on a Diet (Week 4)

Ripley: Cat on a Diet (Week 3)

Ripley: Cat on a Diet (Week 2)

Ripley: Cat on a Diet (Week 1)