I read about a recent study in the Washington Post a few months ago that connected the 33% average difference in pay between men and women to the simple idea that women do not ask for as much money as their male counterparts during salary negotiation.
In a simple experiment, men and women were told that they could earn between $3 and $10 for playing Boggle. When, at the end of the game, everyone was offered $3 and asked if that was sufficient, eight times more men than women asked for more money. Even when the participants were told beforehand that their payment was negotiable, significantly more men spoke up than women.
The finds are nothing less than compelling, and if my anecdotal experiences on the subway each morning hold any water, I’m going to have to nod my head knowingly. A woman gets on a crowded subway car and squeezes into a middle seat, crossing her legs and hunching forward. A man gets on and sits down after her. He immediately spreads his legs, opens a huge New York Times, and leans back. Is it wrong that the man gets to be more comfortable because he claims his own space? Would it be a better world if both genders acted in the generally female way or in the generally male way?
Today I was told that my job would change somewhat drastically at the end of the year due to a company realignment (or whatever silly office euphemism they have decided upon). The list of books I help market will double and I will be the assistant to two people instead of one. And, as you might guess, my pay will stay exactly the same.
When I complained about it to Ben, he immediately, naturally, asked if I was going to ask for some sort of compensation for the drastic change in my workload. Especially having somewhat recently read the Washington Post article on the subject within the week, I was awed that the thought hadn’t even crossed my mind. In fact, when he mentioned it, I had the following lip-biting thoughts:
1) I didn’t want a raise unless every other assistant in my situation got one.
2) I shouldn’t make a fuss, especially during the realignment (or whatever).
3) I would look like a jerk – nay, a bitch! — for even asking .
4) They would probably say no.
It reminds me of my Dad’s continuous advice to me about anything to do with negotiation: Make them say no. It’s a good rule, perhaps not for dating or other social interactions, but for business-type things.
What’s the harm in asking? The best outcome would be getting something, while the worst outcome would be them saying sorry and everyone moving on. I use the rule a lot when looking for freelance work (the ideal career for people who love asking for things and getting rejected) but it’s hard to implement in other parts of my life.
Why do I (and perhaps other women) hate to make people say no? I think it has something to do with the four fears I listed above. I don’t want to be a bother. I don’t want attention drawn to me. I want to seem fair-minded and un-greedy. I don’t, under any circumstances, want someone to think I’m a bitch.
Now, I’m not saying that the correct way for everyone to ride the subway is with their legs spread, taking whatever square inch of space they can aggressively conquer. But I also don’t think that we should accept whatever we’re given and say “thanks so much!” even if we’re unhappy with it (whether you’re a man or a woman). As with all things, there is probably a happy place somewhere between the two extremes. Either way, I’m going to make a conscious effort to ask for what I think I deserve until someone says no.
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November 9, 2007 at 1:45 am
Manav
It never hurts to apply for other positions and when it comes to negotiations, let slip that you are entertaining other, potentially better paying positions elsewhere.
It is like a game of chess. In some ways you have to abstract emotion away from it. Or redeploy them in other directions, which is to say, outwards instead of inwards.
November 9, 2007 at 2:21 pm
Carolyn
Good luck, Sarah! You will be doing twice the work and adding twice the value for the company – a 10 (or 20 or 30) percent raise is a bargain.
November 9, 2007 at 3:06 pm
Dana
Actually, I saw a lot of coverage of a study that came out earlier this year, showing that the reason women negotiate less than men is not necessarily that they are inherently more timid, but that they are far more likely to be penalized for it, and have learned that negotiating doesn’t pay. Here’s the Pandagon post about it: Study shows that egg preceded chicken. It quotes from the study article:
I found the whole thing very depressing.
November 9, 2007 at 5:17 pm
ApK
heh…your posts are always so timely…
i am an aspiring photographer, and recently a friend/co-worker hired me to shoot some model shots of her for an upcoming contest. being the modest amateur that i am, compensation was the last thing to be discussed. when i told her how much i would charge for the 2 hours of shooting and 2 hours of post-processing, she looked me straight in the eye and said “you’re too cheap. i’m paying you more.”
i recieved a check for approx. 3 times as much as i had asked for, and realized that i need to be braver about money and how much my time is worth! but where did i learn to be so afraid of asking for what i think i deserve? i know i’m hot stuff and good at what i do, but i am very uncomfortable talking about money!
good luck in getting the pay you deserve – an increase in responsibilities should always come with an increase in pay if one is able to keep up with the demands of the job!
November 9, 2007 at 6:02 pm
lstockman
The worst thing you could hear is no in asking for more money. I say go for it, life is entirely too short not to take risks. With great risk comes great reward. Go for it, and who knows, you just might get what you ask for.
November 9, 2007 at 8:27 pm
Liana
Go for it, Sarah! Especially since your workload is going to change that drastically.
November 9, 2007 at 10:35 pm
totaltransformation
“I didn’t want a raise unless every other assistant in my situation got one.”
That’s awful nice of you to think. HA!
November 9, 2007 at 10:47 pm
architheque
sadly, dana’s right. them saying no and moving on is not the worst thing that can happen. the ways in which we (anyone) are treated in the workplace manifest themselves in a million subtle little ways. that’s what makes “the office” such a hit, no?
“Men tended to rule against women who negotiated but were less likely to penalize men; women tended to penalize both men and women who negotiated, and preferred applicants who did not ask for more.”
if the person with authority over you subconsciously feels this way (and no one consciously *thinks* they feel this way or would cop to it, but that doesn’t mean, somewhere deep down inside, they don’t feel it), then their changed perception of you will follow you, and affect you, until the last day you work there.
love the post, though. i read and contemplated those studies when they were published, but never responded so eloquently as you did. i think i tended more to the rage, rage, rage response. 🙂
also, all things aside, you should definitely ask for the raise. there’s a slight difference between negotiating and asking for a raise. negotiating would be you asking for a raise, them offering one, and you thinking their offer is too low, and trying to negotiate it higher. to simply ask for the raise though…that’s just part of your job review!
November 10, 2007 at 12:00 am
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November 12, 2007 at 12:07 pm
MJ
That’s why I tell myself I’m doing my kind good when I negotiate for higher salary and better perks in job. My family thinks I am too greedy and do not know my place / value in society. Bah!
Also, if the guy next to me spreads his hand on the armrest in the cinema or spreads his leg in public transport seats, I would use my elbow or whatever I have holding to push him back to his own space. Just because I’m petite doesn’t mean I should get less space. Unless he’s handicapped or old or a kid..
November 13, 2007 at 10:44 pm
Meg
Sarah, I agree completely with your view. There is a huge stigma of women behaving at all “aggressively,” even in professional situations where that aggression is required. I do think some men have not yet recovered from the really cool discovery of fire and are stunned when we want something for which we’ve worked.
I’ve worked with so many male attorneys who are beyond aggressive; they’re mean, cutting and ruthless to their opponents and to those who work for them. However, these men are hugely admired/feared, and immensely successful. Women, on the other hand, when aggressive, are emotional or worse, a bitch. Eyes are rolled when it’s discovered that such woman is opposing counsel.
I hope you get the raise, and thank you for posting this, because as it was so eloquently stated “if you can’t understand then how can you act?”
December 3, 2007 at 5:47 pm
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