shor sleeved coatIf one thing has made me stop spending money on clothes, it’s been moving to New York City. In Montana, I would shop online for the newest trends, buy one or two things, and feel pretty plugged in and chic for a few years. I didn’t need a whole new wardrobe each season and I didn’t need to constantly be glancing around me to spot the next big thing.

But now, in the city, I see what a rat race fashion is. It’s expensive, to start. And most things go out of style faster than you can cut the tags off. Here, there are just plain too many women who care way more than me and who have trust funds. Think you’re the first person to be wearing these stupid boots? Sorry, but everyone already has them. Not only that, but they’ve already worn them once and donated them to the homeless, who quickly threw them into a trashcan fire.

But money and time aren’t the only two things keeping me from being the trendiest girl ever. I also have trouble with any piece of clothing that isn’t functional or comfortable. I’m not into really high heels or tube tops or synthetic fabrics – anything that doesn’t feel good or that I have to fiddle with or that doesn’t make much sense in the real world.

So you can imagine my horror at the newest trend that I’ve spotted around my workplace – in Madison Square Park, around Gramercy and Union Square. The short-sleeved coat.

I’ll let it sink in for a moment: the short-sleeved coat. A coat with short sleeves.

And they’re not light, breezy fun coats meant for spring or fall. They are thick wool double-breasted knee-length coats that, with the exception of their absence of sleeves, would keep someone warm in the coldest weather. I guess they’re cute in theory, but I don’t give a crap about theories when the wind starts ripping in from the East River and my arms are dumbly, fashionably exposed.

The only thing I like about these coats is, while the five-pounds-too-skinny, shop-out-of-boredom Fifth-Avenue short sleeve coat-wearers walk by, you can see in their faces that they are desperately trying to look plugged in and chic. But they just look miserably cold. And that makes me feel warm all over.