January 2nd is an extraordinary day at the gym. The number one resolution each year is to be healthier, and, after recovering from their hangovers on January 1st, people stampede to the gym in droves. It feels a lot like the first day of camp or something – new and nervous faces and a lot of bunching shorts. Of course, unlike camp, most people won’t make it a month.
I like seeing the new people, but I don’t like the crowded locker room or waiting for machines. More specifically, I don’t like that some woman was using my unofficial locker, which she should have obviously known was mine through either ESP or osmosis. I don’t like watching someone misuse weights and ignore the advice of the personal trainer who comes over to help.
It’s on these rare days that the gym regulars that I usually can’t stand (The Grunter, Guy Who Only Works Out His Biceps And Nothing Else, The Samurai, Guy Talking On His Cell Phone At The Gym) are my unlikely allies. When, for example, a newbie is somehow taking up an entire bench in the locker room with her shit, I can lock eyes with Girl Who Thinks She Is A Boxer Even Though She’s Really Just An Owner Of Boxing Gloves and, for one moment, not hate her with my entire heart.
Still, there’s something thrilling about seeing the new guys. It’s kind of like that scene in Shawshank Redemption when all the new prisoners arrive and the old prisoners bet on who’s going to cry first – everyone remembers their first day. On one hand, you want everyone to survive. On the other hand, you want to think that you were special simply by surviving yourself.
I like to guess who’s going to stay. Most people fade out and completely disappear by the middle of February. A handful keep showing up – even during the coldest days of the last half of the winter, even after it heats up, even if something goes wrong in their lives. It’s like guessing who’s going to get shot in a war movie.
For example, last year on January second, I noticed a big guy with a scruffy beard who was new – the kind of guy you see in Queens that is obviously a recent immigrant from any number of vague Eastern European countries that didn’t exist when I took geography in sixth grade. He was half-jogging, half-running on the treadmill and looking shy although pretty damn determined. He was there every single day until I switched gyms last spring, but I still see him at the local grocery store sometimes, looking utterly transformed. We still nod at each other – like we’ve been though something together (camp or prison or war, according to my lame mixed metaphors).
But for every determined scraggly bearded guy, there were ten people I saw today who won’t make it to next week. Some of them are easy to pick out: the girls with the brand new matching workout outfits that look like something Aerobics Barbie would slip into for her new animated video. The dudes who come to lift weights in jeans and work boots. The girl who tries to do the stair climber with chandelier earrings.
It all works out in the end, though. The people who stay are the people who we, the motley crew of regulars with our own idiosyncrasies, would like to stay, for the simple reason that they want to stay. If they keep coming, they’ll learn. The awkward mom who didn’t quite understand how to do the rowing machine will perfect it in a month. The 70-year-old grandfather who walks on the treadmill for 30 minutes each day will learn to not wear dress socks. The hipster chick with the leg warmers will soon enough trade in her five-pound weights for ten-pound weights, and then fifteen. Soon enough, we’ll all be nodding at each other in the grocery store. It’s a good feeling.
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January 3, 2008 at 2:06 am
Mike
Very nice.
January 3, 2008 at 2:14 am
Beth from Avenue Z
Ha! I had forgotten about the date. I just pulled on my Lycra (I’m so sorry for those who have to see me in it) for my trip to the gym. I hope I can avoid the crowd, since it’s after 6 here in San Diego.
Thanks for the warning.
January 3, 2008 at 4:12 am
Manav
not always. some people become regulars and continue in their dress sock wearing, 30 minute slow walk selves. and it is maddening.
and my hate for them sometimes exceeds even the hate i feel for people who deign to use ‘my’ machines or ‘my’ benchspace during ‘my’ time.
a lot of exorcising of hate at the gym, in general.
January 3, 2008 at 4:17 am
Laura
Is there some way to incorporate myself into gym regularityness without having it take over my life? I think you must write about going to the gym more often than you write about your job.
January 3, 2008 at 5:32 am
seaswell
thanks, mike.
beth – i’m betting you look awesome in your lycra, especially getting down to business at the gym. also – i meant to tell you that i really loved the blog post about emotional bank accounts that you recently wrote. rock on, my friend.
manav – yes – sometimes i feel like i have to release a lot of emotions at the gym after a day sitting around the office, and sometimes those emotions include anger, and sometimes i have to get quietly angry at those around me in weird socks. by the time i leave, though, i’m ready to take over the world.
laura – i don’t write about the gym so very often (way less often than i write about hating my job), and i only spend 45 minutes a day there. i certainly spend more time writing and thinking about food, books, Lifetime movies, and britney spears.
i guess i’m just really enthusiastic about it because it’s been such a huge positive change in my life. i’ve found it’s the best medicine (that’s worked for me) in regards to depression and anxiety. and if anything, it lengthens my day – before i went to the gym, i would get home from work depressed and watch tv or putt about. now i go to the gym and return home with enough energy and confidence to write for my second job, read, or go out.
after spending 8 hours sitting still in an office, i can’t afford not to get my body moving – it affects my mental and physical health if i don’t fit it in.
January 3, 2008 at 1:58 pm
slurredpress
“The girl who tries to do the stair climber with chandelier earrings.”
Try a GROUP of girls who do the stair climber with dangly earrings.
It’s only a matter of time before I rip one or nine out when I overhear them making fun of Ellen DeGeneres’ “gay” outfits again.
January 3, 2008 at 3:48 pm
realitywrites
I’m going to try to not let this discourage me from rejoining the gym while their membership fees are discounted in the month of January. (If it was not for the expected New Year discount, I would have joined in November and avoided the crowds.) But I know what you mean, I always tried to smile more at the newbies this time of year at my old gym. Gave them the c’mon, you can do it! bicep smile.
January 3, 2008 at 3:59 pm
Beth from Avenue Z
Last night at the gym was hilarious. The place was packed, and the regulars and I just kept laughing. “What are all these people doing at our gym?” we kept asking each other. They walked in with their new Lycra Christmas outfits, spent 10 minutes running on the treadmill, then 10 minutes walking on the treadmill, then took their new water bottles back into the locker room with their eyes downcast.
Well, that’s not exactly true. Their eyes were everywhere because there were so many new bodies to check out. Err… ok, perhaps it was just me who was checking out the new bodies. At any rate, I was quite entertained.
My best gym moments are when some studly guy sidles up to the treadmill next to me and tries to “win.” Yesterday’s Stud-du-Jour proudly got on the machine, set it for an hour workout and cranked the speed to 7.5 miles an hour. He and I ran side by side for about 20 minutes, me at my 5.4 pace. After 20 minutes, I saw him push the down button on the speed. Then again. And again. And soon he was walking. I kept running, 6.5 miles total. He finished less than 3 and quietly slipped off the treadmill on the opposite side.
Yeah! Take that from the pudgy marathoner, buddy!
[Ok, I’m fully aware that these competitions are probably all in my head and that these studly men are not necessarily competing with the pudgy marathoner in the ultimate tortoise-and-hare race. But a girl can dream, yes?]
Thanks for the note about the emotional bank account post. And sorry for my extended comment here on your blog. I just needed an opportunity to discuss studly men.
January 5, 2008 at 3:04 am
walkdreamwrite
Love this essay! And, yes, those studly guys do compete. And stare at themselves lovingly in the mirror.
I’ll be starting at a new gym because I get a free pass when I enrolled at the adjoining school. I used to go to the small gym in my small town but the personal trainer got bossy and I began to despise her- Her: “Did you see Dr. Smith like I TOLD you to??” Me: “I told you I already picked out my own dentist”
Carol
walkdreamwrite.wordpress.com
January 9, 2008 at 6:26 pm
isimma
I used to be a regular at my gym but took a break from in from October up until January 2 due to a promotion at work, going to school at night, holidays, my birthday, etc. I was shocked that first day back, there were girls there that I had never seen before, taking up the benches and like you, my unofficial locker. I was PO’d! However, as of yesterday about 60% of them have already stopped showing up…eeek.